"A Thimble Of What I Think I Know"

      Your comments are somewhere in a spam folder; maybe I'll check my email. A certain realization awakened my brain this morning;and way too early, thank you very much. I'm possibly, only possibly, afraid to face those words, about words that I have written. Time to grow up, Janet.
     Speaking of folks having to "put their big-girl-panties on." WAIT! This is an emergency.  I just used my absolute, most despised phrase, ever! I really am nervous.  Who would say "panties"?  Yuck! 
      I'll try to control myself and then begin by addressing the financial and emotional dangers that come with believing those  telemarketers calling from "publishing companies." Disclaimer, should this need to be said: There are reputable companies reaching out to want-to-be-writers, and it is our responsibility to check them out before proceeding. No threatening the newbie, alright?
     It's just that since "Waiting..." came out, I've heard variations of a troubling reaction to it; and if you are an author, you may know what's coming:  'YOU published a book?  Oh...My...GAHD! I'm writing one too, or you know, everyone says I should!  What do I do about it?" 
     Overcoming the temptation to tell them it's all in my book so they should buy it,  I've floundered across this landmine each time it's presented itself....
     "What do ya' do, what do ya' do, big ole sigh, oh person with no knowledge of the publishing world and who has never written. Gee, let me think..okay!  Here's some "stuff" I learned about the process:
       First and without fail, write every, single day. A friend and successful writer told me every 100 pages produces 99 pages of crap.  He didn't even say crap. (Man, he was expressive).  But the trick is to throw most of it out.  Don't drag it along just because your sister might tear up or your ex will be furious. Nope, thats precisely the dung you delete, delete, delete.
       Don't use all your writing-time writing. You must study carefully the craft and the business. Period. No exceptions, no way. I started on Twitter, following authors, agents and the like.  I watched them talk to one another, and butted in with questions.  Did I say "watched?"  I still do that every day.
      Click on links to free tutorials.  Pay attention to them. Read through stacks of your old books.  Get grammer-related study materials online.There are definite-rules to follow, no disrespect to our friend "Mr. Spellcheck." Study transitions, dialouge, passive sentences, kissing scenes, character development. Don't set a date to finish. And by all means-- don't set water or coffee by your keyboard. No seriously,  I went through two of those, while waiting to see if my work would reappear after the two-hour round-trip to the Apple Store,  frustrated and wondering if I even wanted it to.
      After you have practiced, researched, studied, learned, and are in the habit of doing same, it is time to think about how you might get your little jewel between the covers. Eh-heh-heh.
      That concern can't be trusted to this rookie on a weak blog, but I'll go slightly out on a limb, hopefully not far enough to fall off.
      The current craze is an avenue for first-timers (and others but that's another story) called "self-publishing." The bad news is those companies make their money off of their writers, not our books. And if you'll pay attention to the ridiculous script they read from, you'll see they make no bones about it.
       Traditional publishing is held in higher esteem. That's  simply the reality. By obtaining an agent to shop your manuscript you have received your first chest-thumping accolade, urging you on to the finish line.  Am I kidding? No, it is my dream.
       For me, the best start was to pick a self-publisher and then negogiate, negogiate, negociate!
You might be surprised what a company can suddenly do, if they believe your novel might bring in a little revenue. Now you have accountability and perhaps even some leverage, along with a team to make your book look as it always has in your excited head.
       In closing I repeat, this information is well-intentioned, hard-earned garble from one brand new author. Now stop asking me and go chase some information!
       Hold on. Did I forget to mention how insensitrive and rude it is to greet the release of someone's long awaited novel with a blurb about your own? Hopefully, you'll have the mad skills and fortitude to find out.

   

Reviewers, Who Needs Them? ( Um, we do.)

     Oh, the irony...Writing an entire novel came easier than creating this blog, incidentally named after said-novel. Oh well, there must be some symbolism in there somewhere. No matter, I've decided to go throttle up; nobody has to know until I have it ready. Right?     Having no visions of grandeur, there's nothing I can offer to enlighten other writers. In fact, I ask them questions regularly. What I will do is offer my newfound perspective on something many writers regard with anxiety and anticipation: THE DREADED REVIEW.
    To this first-timer, there appears to be three distinct categories of reviewers. 
    1.  "Re-whewer"  This saintly, literary-giant exerts time and creativity to put forth an honest critique--well balanced, positive, content-specific...all of this without secretly owing the author for bail money from back in college, nor operating from any other such motivation.
    2.  "Re-screwer"  Not only did they troll around to your free preview, but did so while clouded by insomnia and a need to see their snappy, new user-name on Amazon.  Attack-words to look for include "bad," "crazy" and almost always, "stupid."  There will be no mention of plot resolution or characters. (Remember, they haven't read your book.)
    3.   "Re-Booer"   This is a very tricky one.  After gladly whipping out their credit card and obtaining your latest hard earned work, they can't put it down.  Snickering, tearing up, getting lost between the lines. Then, they facebook you immediately to applaud you in front of God and everybody!  But...they...just...can't, won't, don't review your book! Boo!
    Hate to end so abruptly, but I'm afraid of what people might say in their comments.